Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
