I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
