You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
