I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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