Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
