I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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