Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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