I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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