so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
