I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
