goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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