i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
