also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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