I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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