i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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