It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
