Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
