i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's the barista slut.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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