Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There r osticjed everywhere
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
