Where is the hickey?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
