my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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