By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
