It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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