Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
