That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize