I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
