Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
