yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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