Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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