My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
