are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
