...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
