I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
