I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
only if we run a train.
done.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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