Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
