does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
