so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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