masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
