it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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