stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
