Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
