Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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