Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
