I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
