I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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