i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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