is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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