Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
