Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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