I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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