At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
