i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How does one acquire holy water?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
