and she was petting her beer can
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
