I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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