I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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