roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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