How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
