took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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