I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
